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Enoughsenough

A dad's journey into health

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dreams

Hope Vs Reality

Is there a place, do you think, where your hopes and your reality cross?

Iv’e been thinking about this quite a lot at the minute, I know what I want in my future and it’s not naively outlandish or unrealistic. Everything I want is possible, achievable almost. Yet I still have doubts that these things will ever come to pass. It seems that there are powers out of my control that always seem to block my path or know the right time to descend on me like a heavy thick fog.

I know that people will be reading this thinking that I am the one seeing barriers or perceiving these as reasons not to push towards my future. This may well be the case, though I don’t fully believe it. I may be the last person on earth that can see it to be honest. It seems that there are always grey areas to think of, there is nothing cut and dry when it comes to making decisions. Mainly, for me, because decisions about my future effect people other than me…………..it’s so confusing.

I am more than aware that the only option for me is to rip the plaster off and just deal with whatever happens. It’s almost as if it’s harder to make a decision, than have it done to you, then you have no choice but to deal with the fallout, and start again.

It would be remiss of me not to mention that money (or lack of it) is such an inhibiting factor. Money isn’t everything, but it certainly gives you options and the confidence to act. It is easy to see why so many domestic abuse cases have one partner in control of the finances, making it almost impossible for the victim to start a fresh.

Is it even possible to achieve your dreams? once you do, do you not just acquire new ones? OR is that folly? should you just be striving for the next step in the journey. The next life chapter, and many other cliches and platitudes that just roll off the tongue.

I have done a lot of work with people and have always used goal setting as a way help them move forward. But it has become more apparent to me as time goes on that goal setting can be quite damaging and if not achieved can be used by the individual as further reasons to punish or hate themselves.

But with me………who knows, difficult times, difficult decisions and a future for yourself you know you will probably never get to experience. What will be will be…..

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. Iris Murdoch

A Night Of Weird Dreams

So last night was a tough one, my daughter got up several times in the night crying for me. She was fine, I settled her and got her back in bed, but as a result of this I had the most bizarre dreams. There was two that stood out, the first for it’s ridiculousness.

It was the middle of the night, I was walking downstairs, in the nude (obviously) and I could feel the cold and I knew the door was open and that we were being robbed………..incensed I ran down screaming random things, but for some reason in a Scottish accent (like a pathetic Braveheart). I bust into the living room (still nude remember) but the backdoor’s open and everything has been taken. Then I woke up. Interestingly when I awoke I was freezing cold as the covers had been commandeered and I was led there exposed, still nude (obviously). Think that explains this one πŸ™‚

The second was a completely different affair it was calming and serine.

I was led sideways on my bed and I could see out of the bedroom door in front of me.  It opened straight outside and it was lovely and sunny.  From my door there was a path that led straight up a grassy hill.  About half way up  the hill led a deer.  It just led their looking directly at me as if weighing me up.It stayed there, still, for what felt like hours.  I could feel that I was getting a little anxious and the deer began to stand up and slowly walk towards me, as it did it began to transform into a tiger, it wasn’t angry or  aggressive it just kept coming slowly and methodically. It eventually reached me and jumped up onto my bed and just led next to me, (much like my old dog Gus), I started to panic (about the future, I think) but the tiger just lifted it’s head and rested it on my legs. It had the desired effect and calmed me down, I had a sense of wellness and inner calm………that whatever was to come, things will work out okay.  I stroked the tigers head and drifted back off.

So that was my night time brain wanderings. I am sure any
Oneirocritics (had to google that) amongst you would be able to interpret that.

β€œAll that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” 
― Edgar Allan Poe

Till next time….

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